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The Morson League | Week Six

Rebekah Valero-Lee morson sport

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Big Construction for Spurs

There was some Premier League engineering news this week with Tottenham’s new stadium starting to really take shape. Built partially on the site of White Hart Lane, the cranes have been hard at work since the final game last season and this week, the old Lane was removed from Ordnance Survey maps signalling the true end of an era.

This amazing new construction has been creeping into existence behind the original ground for quite some time, but now the tenants have moved out for this season, the final stages can be completed. Designed by people who have likely never been anywhere near a football match in their lives, it will feature:

  • A half time cheese room, access to which will cost £15,000 per season
  • A ‘SkyLounge’ bar offering panoramic views of the pitch from behind glass (for those people who want to attend a football match without actually attending a football match) for the bargain price of just £230 per match. Purchase a Sky Sports subscription and a large TV for the same effect.
  • A section of heated seats (part of a package which will cost around £89 per match, instantly pricing out a good portion of the fan base, even in London)
  • A retractable pitch for multi-sports use (okay, that’s pretty good)

Based on their inability to play convincingly at their temporary home of Wembley, you would think Spurs fans will be grappling for a return to their familiar haunt. Now with added cheese!

You’re Going Down with the Palace

Mathematically, it’s not possible to be relegated before Christmas. In 2007/08, Derby County had amassed just 7 points by Christmas Day (and their sole win of the season) on their way to their record-low 11 points. Irish bookmakers Paddy Power actually paid out on Derby to be relegated after only five games of that season, but they weren’t officially relegated until the end of March with six games to go.

It can’t be good for the morale of those associated with Crystal Palace right now, who’ve just set themselves a new record. In their first five fixtures, they’ve failed to score (goalless in 450 minutes) and have lost every game, making them the worst starters in the history of English league football – 129 years.

There’s no relegation from the Morson League which may well comfort Ben Taylor of the Morson marketing team, who’s fledgling UGLYBENNYCO team sit rock bottom and 54 points behind second bottom. One of his front line did score though, which gives the team one-up on the Palace, who now rely on the managerial nous of a man who lost to Iceland to save them.